Characters/Pairings: Carly, Sam, Freddie, Spencer, Gibby, one sided Carly/Freddie, some Sam/Freddie
Spoilers: Up to iLost My Mind.
Word Count: 1,336
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly and never will. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: Carly tries to be happy for Sam and Freddie, but she's hiding from her real feelings and is hurt quite deeply.
After the initial shock and hurt wore off at seeing Sam and Freddie kiss, Carly thought about it for the next few days. She couldn’t sleep because she kept seeing it in her mind. Were Sam and Freddie together now? Was Sam in love with him? Was Freddie in love with her? She didn’t know and it bothered her. It was day three – before everything went to Hell when they discovered Sam was in the mental hospital – when Carly finally came up with a solution.
She was in love with Freddie. She had figured that out some time during the past three days. However, Carly wanted him to be happy. Sam, too. So she’d support whatever decision they made – to be in a relationship or to remain friends. She’d push her hurt down and paste on a fake smile. Carly was going to be happy for them.
And the irrational anger at the “Seddie” fans on the live chat (Where were the Carly and Freddie supporters? She knew there were some out there.) was only intensified when Freddie kissed Sam out of nowhere and said he liked her. Mixed in with the anger was surprise and hurt, however. She pasted on another fake smile, though, and told her friends she was happy for them.
Deep down inside, Carly feels like she’s dying. And she hates that feeling. She cries herself to sleep. She tries to pretend she’s happy when Pam Puckett finally shows up and signs her daughter out of the mental hospital. When Sam was stuck there, at least Carly could pretend her whole life hadn’t shattered around her.
Sam and Freddie agree to go on a date the night after Pam signs her out. After Sam begs her to go to the Groovysmoothie with them to just make sure that nothing gets screwed up between her and Freddie, Carly reluctantly agreed. She knew it would only hurt her more, but she didn’t want anyone to think anything was wrong. She would bury her hurt so deep that no one would be able to get past her walls again.
The date went surprisingly well – Sam only punched Freddie on the arm once – and the two agreed to keep dating. Carly tried to hide her wince when they kissed on their way out and Freddie put his arm around Sam’s shoulder.
Spencer picked up on Carly’s hurt, and tried to comfort his sister. She wasn’t having any of it, however. “I’m fine, Spence. Really. I’m really happy for Sam and Freddie. They deserve to be happy. I bet they’re going to get married and have lot of genius kids who beat up their classmates.” Carly choked back the latest round of sobs. She was determined not to cry anymore about this.
Spencer wasn’t buying it, but he didn’t know how to get through to Carly, especially since she’d only retreat into herself further. He had been a little happy about Sam and Freddie becoming a couple until he realized how badly it was affecting Carly. He let this go for now, but he’d confront Carly when she was ready to come to him. “Whatever you say, Carls. Hey, what do you say we rent a chick flick on TV and make fun of it?”
“Sure.” Carly welcomed the distraction. And it did take her mind off Sam and Freddie’s relationship, at least for a little while.
And Carly managed to not cry again over Sam and Freddie for a month, when reality smacked her in the face. She had managed to convince herself that she was actually was happy for them, but the lie came crashing down rather quickly.
They had just wrapped up another segment of iCarly when Sam and Freddie started talking about their next date. Carly was in the corner pretending she wasn’t hearing anything, while Gibby started tearing through the spaghetti tacos they had dumped on his head during the last skit.
“You’re lucky I sorta kinda love you, Fredward.” Sam looked up and beamed at her boyfriend.
Freddie rolled his eyes. “You’re lucky I sorta kinda love you too, Puckett.” He leaned over and kissed her.
Carly froze. Freddie loved Sam too? That was a recent development. She had been holding out hope that Freddie still loved her, but obviously that wasn’t the case anymore. Freddie and Sam were in love with each other and happy. She numbly told them goodbye as the couple left.
Carly thought that Gibby had also gone when she let her anger get the best of her. She picked up one of the stuffed animals they had used during a skit and threw it. She kicked the others. “Fuck! FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCK!”
Spencer heard his sister’s angry screams from the kitchen, and sighed in relief. This breakdown had been a long time coming. He’d go up there and comfort Carly, but he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of her anger. Spencer knew she’d definitely turn it around on him, and he didn’t want that. It had occurred quite a few times after their mother’s death, especially since her father had basically dumped Carly on him. It never ended well and Carly always said stuff she didn’t mean. It was best to just leave her alone until she got it out of her system.
Unbeknownst to Carly, Gibby hadn’t actually left. He had planned on coming right back into the loft to get something and ended up being an unwitting witness to her breakdown. “Carly?”
Carly closed her eyes and turned around to face him. “Sorry, Gibby! I got carried away in picking up everything. I’m okay.”
“No, you aren’t. This is because of Sam and Freddie isn’t it?”
“No! Why would you think that?”
“Because you haven’t been the same since they kissed and got together.” Gibby prided himself on figuring out why Carly was so upset.
“I’m happy for them. Really. They can be happy and in love and be cute together. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
And with that, Carly began sobbing hysterically. Gibby went up to her side and hugged her as Carly finally let out pent out emotions that she had been trying to bury for four weeks. “Why doesn’t he love me anymore? Why does he love Sam? And I’m trying so hard to be happy for them, and it’s hard. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I realized too late that I’m in love with Freddie, and he doesn’t want me anymore. I ruined everything.”
Gibby continued to hug her. “Hey, he still loves you. Sam and Freddie are just caught up in the honeymoon stage of their relationship right now. It’s going to be out of their system soon, I’m pretty sure. You didn’t ruin anything at all, Carly. You still have a chance. Don’t give up now. Do you want me to kick Freddie’s ass?”
Carly shook her head as the sobs shook her body. “No.”
“Do you want me to take off my shirt?”
She laughed through her tears. “No thank you.”
Gibby shrugged. “It was worth a shot. Now, I know you’re not okay, so I’m going to hand you off to Spencer. But remember – You’ll get your shot. Don’t you dare give up hope.”
Spencer had sneaked upstairs to check on his sister, and he started rubbing Carly’s back as soon as Gibby left her side. She told her friend thanks and watched as he walked away. Carly started crying again in her brother’s arms. The dam had finally broken, and in a big way.
Carly made up her mind the next day – She would continue to support Sam and Freddie’s relationship, no matter how much it hurt her. She didn’t want to hurt them, and that was exactly what would happen if she said something.
Carly Shay was going to suffer through this and hope that everything worked out. She just wished it didn’t hurt so much.
There’d be a lot more hurt to come.